i think i need to have very clear set of instructions to be able to work in a public setting, even if it is coworking with my roommates. if i am not clear on the task that i want to do, i get distracted and start talking a lot.
Let’s unpack what’s happening beneath the surface:
🌪️ What’s Happening Psychologically:
1. 🧩 Ambiguity Aversion (a form of the Ostrich Effect)
When the task is unclear, your brain perceives vagueness as a threat — it doesn’t know how to “win” or complete anything. Instead of facing that inner discomfort, it seeks a rewarding, familiar escape: conversation, connection, or distraction.
“If I don’t know what I’m doing, I’d rather talk and connect — at least I feel useful or engaged.”
2. 🧠 Cognitive Load Overwhelm
Your mental RAM gets cluttered when there’s no clarity. Without a clear directive, your executive function (prefrontal cortex) stalls — making it hard to initiate or stay on task.
This triggers internal discomfort → which you relieve through external social stimulation.
3. 🎭 Subtle Emotional Avoidance
Underneath the surface might be micro-anxieties:
-
Fear of doing the wrong task
-
Fear of not doing it perfectly
-
Fear of wasting your time
So rather than sit in the unease of “I don’t know what I’m doing,” you shift into the more emotionally soothing mode of talking or co-regulating with others.
4. 🌬️ Fawn or Social Soothing Response
If you’ve been the emotionally attuned or expressive one in your environment, talking and engaging may be your go-to way of feeling safe or re-regulating.
So public work without internal clarity = nervous system seeks connection over productivity.
🧭 Summary of What’s Likely Happening
No internal clarity + external environment = internal uncertainty → emotional tension → social engagement as soothing.
It’s not laziness or lack of discipline — it’s your body and brain choosing emotional safety over ambiguous effort.
🌱 What Can Help (Practically + Emotionally)
✔️ 1. Micro-Clarity Rituals
Before sitting down to work publicly, ask:
-
What’s the ONE thing I want to complete?
-
What’s the first 10-minute action I can take?
-
How will I know I’m “done” for now?
You might create a little “focus card” before coworking:
🔲 Task
🔲 Reward
🔲 Talk-time buffer (so your inner social butterfly doesn’t feel repressed)
🧘 2. Nervous System Anchor
Try a 1–2 minute check-in before coworking:
“I might feel exposed or unclear — that’s okay. I choose to stay in my center for 10 minutes before speaking.”
Even placing your hand on your chest or belly can signal safety.
🧩 3. Recognize the Effect (Name it = Tame it)
-
“Ah — my brain wants clarity before it can flow.”
-
“This is ambiguity aversion. Not a flaw — just needs structure.”
here’s a co-working clarity ritual to complete everytime you co-work with others, or work in a cafe: