i see you’re getting frustrated. i see you feeling a lot of emotions, emotions that go from happiness to calm, to sudden overwhelm in your tiny body, as you try to make sense of this big world.
i love observing you. you look into my eyes and make me feel as if i am the most important person in the entire universe for you in that moment. and then, in an instant, you get distracted and you look away. your curiosity takes you elsewhere, to a different instant. something else catches your attention and i am forgotten.
i see you are getting to know me, understand who i am. i know you recognize me in some ways. every time we do our morning shoulder circles, your eyes light up with excitement as if you have been waiting to do your morning yoga for a while now, hehe.
i am realizing that we adult humans, if we truly honor our self-expression, our way of being, we are not that different from babies.
my mood also changes so much. i also like being 100% present. if i’m spending time with someone, i want to give my full attention. i think the way i live my life asks me to be 100% dedicated to everything.
and i see where i get it from. clearly, we have this tendency since we are babies.
as i see you observing and exploring the world,
i think we need some kind of obsession to feel alive.
but we also need to learn what truly makes us feel alive.
because you see, mayanita, when you’re a baby, everything is new and exciting. and you make sure you exercise your right of free speech. but then, as you grow older, your voice gets blocked in some ways. especially as chicas, we stop expressing ourselves so freely. we put filters on.
by the time you’re my age, you become very cautious of the words that come out of your mouth. you speak with a filter that makes sure your message is suitable to the ears and eyes of others.
and it’s not even conscious. it happens subtly, slowly, until it becomes automatic.
usually around your 20s, after you did everything society told you to, but you still haven’t found peace, you would go on a journey. these days we call it a “healing” journey. something i believe you’ll go on too, in your own way.
i do think your mom is doing a very good job, so you’ll have all the tools you need to handle whatever life brings you.
right now, in 2025, chicas of this generation are going through a process of healing. that’s what me, your aunt shae, is going through.
and in this process of healing, you start to ask:
where do you gatekeep yourself?
where do you dim your light?
where did those filters come from?
are they helping you grow,
or are they stalling your growth?
so as you grow older, baby mayan, you stop exercising your right of free speech
as much as you’re doing right now, at 4 months old.
i see you’re getting frustrated. i see you feeling a lot of emotions, emotions that go from happiness to calm, to sudden overwhelm in your tiny body, as you try to make sense of this big world.
i see your desire to explore the world,
to start crawling already,
to start walking already.
you’re so curious about what this world has to offer. i love seeing that drive in you. that fire. that energy.
but my dear mayanita, despacio. you can’t try to do everything all at once. some things are just going to take time.
and that’s okay. you’re just a baby. it’s okay to just enjoy being a baby, for now.
some things take time. today, you will build strength in your thighs and shoulders. tomorrow, you’ll develop new proprioception. you’ll discover new things to do with your hands. you’ll learn where to look, which muscles to push into the ground, which ones to pull with, and which ones to slide with.
you’ll figure it all out. and when the time is right, you’ll start crawling.
and when you do, you’ll have a whole new way of exploring this world around you.
and whether you understand it or not yet, you are making progress.
even if it’s minute, even if it’s so subtle that you hardly notice it from one moment to another.
i know you want everything to happen right away, but it will all make sense in time.
you add so much joy to my day. i feel so grateful that i get to experience your explorations and learn from you, witness your milestones and see you grow.
i love you so much. you are such a cutie. thank you for existing.
your aunt shae